"Seeing Things The Right Way"

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jim Scanlan on May 22, 2010 at 5:40pm

Kirk...Rather than offer a critique of your song, let point you to a web site that's all about songs and song writers. Check out the Billy Dean Writers Block. You'll meet a great bunch of folks, both pros and novice writers alike. You'll get honest feedback on your songs, great tips on how to make them better...just google Billy Dean Writers Block and check it out.
JIm (I"m a member)

Permalink Reply by Kirk Mathew Gatzka on May 22, 2010 at 5:54pm

Jim,

Thanks I check it out!

Kirk

Permalink Reply by SteveO Mallis on May 23, 2010 at 9:55am

Kirk,

This song has a really great concept and there's lots of things I like about it, lyrics, singing, guitar, etc. One thing that you might consider is making it more of a story. For example,

verse 1 one sided relationship
verse 2 divorce
verse 3 finds new relationship that works.

This would be a cool little story, add emotional impact, and increase the meaning of the chorus.

The tip above for the web site seems cool, too.

Greetings,
Steve

Permalink Reply by Kirk Mathew Gatzka on May 23, 2010 at 10:13am

Steve,

Thanks for responding! I always appreciate your thoughts.

I am not a good story teller, I would venture to say. I assume much of the listener, which has been noted in previous songs I've had here for comment. I did just write a story based song about my Teen-aged "love," which is kind of embarrassing but made a pretty good story. Not sure if I will share that one, yet.

I am finding out that I must explain too much of my song lyrics. That's not good. They should be clearer.

Kirk

Permalink Reply by SteveO Mallis on May 23, 2010 at 10:29am

Kirk,

Thanks for your comment on my comments.

I thought the same thing about myself a couple of years ago. But now I just auto-magically try to include a story aspect in my songs. Or if I forget to, I"ll come back and work it in later. I don't think it's particularly difficult to develop basic storytelling skills, as opposed to being some sort of master storyteller. Just tell what happened.

In a way, all songwriters are storytellers. Every song must tell some type of story, even if its just a comment on a single aspect of a larger story. As the writer, you get to reveal how much or little of the story you want. In your song you are telling a commentary on an actual story.

I have really only written one song, that I would consider a complete story, called Missed Opportunity. For me, it's now more about "Block Development", where each verse is a block. Where I try to alternate between actual events and commentary or feeling on those events. The outline above seems like it would fit into that category and make for a really super cool song!

Happy Writing,
Steve

Permalink Reply by Kirk Mathew Gatzka on May 23, 2010 at 10:44am

Steve,

Block Development seems like a good strategy for story-telling. One story teller I like is Gordon Lightfoot, he tells great story lines in much of his work. My guess is I am still steeped in '60's-70's music that where lyrics didn't always make sense but had great imagery! I write a lot of imagery I think, emotionally, mentally, not too physical. Perhaps I need to ground myself better and pursue the story line aspect of songwriting.and experiment with that more.

I just finished a song that makes little sense but has some great lines like, "We trip over each other.", It's called "Art for Arts Sake." Imagery again.

I'll keep writing!

Thanks,
Kirk

Permalink Reply by SteveO Mallis on May 23, 2010 at 11:19am

Kirk, no problem. I definitely think the emotion and imagery is important, and very strong points for your music. Just saying working in a story line wouldn't hurt. Keep up the good work.

I followed the Songwriters Block link. Seems like a decent cite, and joined. There I went to the ISA, International Songwriters Association, that's a definite heavy duty songwriter's site, joined that too!

Are you British? Your home page says USA?

BTW, cool home page you have.

Greetings,
Steve

Permalink Reply by Kirk Mathew Gatzka on May 25, 2010 at 12:22pm

Steve,

I am not British, home grown Michigander! I've lived in Texas and Missouri for a short time both. I visited Alaska, wow, what a beautiful place. Been playing since I was 13 years old and I'm pushing 60 now. Been writing since I was a kid. I also write poetry which I think is my downfall for writing story lines.

Glad you like my page!

Kirk

Permalink Reply by SteveO Mallis on May 25, 2010 at 10:48pm

Nice to travel around and get some perspective on this crazy world.

I forgot to mention I've got tickets for Gordon Lightfoot next month!

Steve

Permalink Reply by Kirk Mathew Gatzka on May 26, 2010 at 12:19pm

Steve,

I've seen Gordon Lightfoot at Michigan State University in East Lansing, MI. He gives a great show! You'll have a good time I am sure! Enjoy!

Kirk

Permalink Reply by Ross Johnson on May 25, 2010 at 8:37am

Just gave the tune a listen, and I think it's a nice start to a solid song idea. I - too - work to either tell a story, or go absolutely the other way and just set up a feeling of groove. Usually end up with a story anyway! This song feels like it needs a bridge somewhere too - maybe when the story moves from past to present or old relationship to new. I sort of hear a D - A - E dropping pattern possibly with a chunk of revelatory lyric - but I could be whacked... Ross

Permalink Reply by Kirk Mathew Gatzka on May 25, 2010 at 12:18pm

Ross,

Missing the bridge again! Thanks for the possible pattern and lyric idea. The story of this divorce was really ugly and if I were to tell some details it would make a horrible song. I will have to consider what lyric would make a bridge very carefully. Some stories are hard to tell, and for me just plain difficult. No reason not to try though.

I doubt you are whacked, but who knows? LOL!

Kirk